31
Today I turned 31. I am officially in my 30s. Weird.
I used to dread turning another year older. At 21 I locked myself in my apartment, eventually coming out after many, many tears. When I woke up on my 25 birthday, I had no idea how to face the day. It grew more difficult every year. My family teased me about the birthday anxiety and today we all joked about how I looked great for 25. However, when I turned 30 things were different. I experienced dramatic anxiety leading up to my birthday last year and then when it came, well, I felt free. I can’t quite put the feeling into words, but I can try. Turning 30, leaving my 20s was one of the most freeing experiences of my life; it was almost surreal. All the stereotypes and ideals that suffocate us in our 20s seem to vanish overnight and for the first time we embrace adulthood—not with childish eyes fresh from our parents’ home, but with experienced eyes. During my 20s I thought I fell in love, I made wonderful friends who are with me today, I moved away from my small town, I married, I finished school and so much more. It was a difficult time, a wonderful time, a confusing time, but most importantly, a time of learning. Looking back on the growth of my 20s made me excited to face my 30s.
Today I am in grad school and working toward a future I know I want. In my 20s I never knew what I wanted. It feels wonderful to be able to know what I want and also how to get there.
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